Dealing with the sadness

October 21, 2020

I went to go see the old man last week and the week before. He seems to be a little better physically, he had an infection and a bit of a dodgy stomach but not all that communicative and a little vague. This has been extremely difficult to digest. Because of covid the frail care unit he has now moved to have been so so so strict and I’ve only been able to see him twice in the past six months. But now that things have quietened down a bit they are accepting visitors, with all the social distancing, sanitizing and temperature check stuff that goes along with our new normal. The unit has a smart phone I can video call and ask one of the sisters to take it to him, because he doesn’t answer his phone anymore. I call every day but communication is a little difficult because of my sometimes dodgy speech, his hearing isn’t the best and his mind is just no longer there. So I just speak and talk about the olden days, like long bike rides we used to go on or long walks on the beach or down by the river where we used to take the dogs for a walk. Sometimes I can see he acknowledges what I am saying and I can see in his eyes that he is transported back there. So I just talk shit and try to be there for and with him. I also ask the staff to turn the cricket on just so he can feel a little bit of normalcy, because when we used to chat regularly on the phone or he’d come here once a week 90%of our conversations revolved around sports and the news and even though he may not comprehend that Rabada is the leading wicket taker in this year’s IPL, he may be comforted by the sounds. (I don’t want to ask them to stick the news on, because the world’s going nuts) The time before I sat in moms car outside his room and spoke with him through the window but last time they brought him to the car so I didn’t have 623 people helping me out the car and maybe exposing me to the Ronea… Not being able to sit with him and hold his hand or give him a hug is really hard. I know I’ve probably repeated myself but I thank God that my sister putting  him in a place where they really and truly look after him with unbelievable love and care. 

Still this whole thing is extremely sad…

I don't want to think how my sister Lee feels, being trapped up in Botswana and not being able to be involved. this thing is wreaking havoc globally, even if you don’t have the diagnosis...

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